I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
