I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
