im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize