watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
