I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
