I think im going to throw up on grandma
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
