ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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