i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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