I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm at about main and main street
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
