he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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