Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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