A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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