The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think your dad took our porno
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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