dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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