My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
