so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize