He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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