WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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