Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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