She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
