There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
