i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
