Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
