The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize