Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
