People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Randomize