1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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