shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
