my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
