When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
