I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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