Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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