Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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