Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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