He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
