If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
