remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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