i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
