I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
