thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
