actually, I'm a sock model
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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