If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Someone shattered a urinal.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
