So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
