Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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