I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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