Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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