dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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