I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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