I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
