The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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