how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
