Midget sex pt 2 tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
