just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
