I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
