Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
