Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We are two peas in an std pod
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
