Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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