Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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