I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You were trust falling into bushes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
