walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
