So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
