it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
