So drunk its hurt
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
