bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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