Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize