The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
