don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My dick has a subreddit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
