I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
