Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
