He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
