I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize