you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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