I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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