I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
