I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
