A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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